Family and Mental Health

A caring relationship within the family helps maintain a healthy state of mental well-being.

Family violence has become an increasing concern as stories of family tragedies are splashed across the front pages of the newspapers. Dr Tsang Fan Kwong, Senior Medical Officer of the Castle Peak Hospital, explains in this article how to nurture a caring relationship within the family and maintain a healthy state of mental well-being.

Family plays the most important role in our life. It brings us happiness and support; it is a place where we share our ups and downs. Yet, our relationship with family members is pre-determined, meaning that we are unable to change. Each individual has a unique personality and different attitude towards life and relationships, especially when we are living together in a confined environment, conflicts and arguments are inevitable. However, in a healthy family with mutual tolerance and acceptance, conflicts can be resolved in such a way that members of diverse beliefs and opinions can still live happily under the same roof.

Happy families often share certain common characteristics: members are considerate and tolerant, they can manage to master good problem-solving and communication skills; control their own emotions to maintain a healthy state of mental well-being; they always try to understand the behaviour of other members and show respect for each other. On the other hand, mental health is inter-related to family cause. Family crisis may trigger emotional perplexity, anxiety and depression. In some cases, anxiety disorders and depression are often caused by family problems. Emotional distress can be a direct symptom; it can also be a sign of crying for help or a manifestation of attempt to save the family. In other words, having a happy family can greatly avoid the chances of suffering from general mental, emotional and psychological disorders. Besides, studies also show that having a harmonious and supportive family, and a caring relationship is one of the ways to sidestep depression.

Mental problems have multi-dimensional impacts on a family. Mental strain or emotional perplexity can easily lead to the risk of increased quarreling or family violence. Severe mental illness such as schizophrenia, bipolar affective disorder and clinical depression can exert substantial stress on a family, affecting the emotions and psychological well-being of other family members. As a result, psychiatry therapies are not only required by the mentally-ill member, but also other family members who are being affected. It is important to know that the synergy of supportive family members contributes to the effectiveness of therapies.

Here are a few practical tips for nurturing a happy family:

Attitude:	He is still part of the family no matter who he is. A caring relationship is built upon unconditional love, care, forgiveness and tolerance. Whether something is acceptable or not depends on your attitude. A change in attitude eliminates conflicts and ambivalence.
Expectation:	Disappointment often stems from over-expectation. For example, you want your child to be a prodigy. He plays violin but his grades are only average. You must be extremely disappointed. We need to adjust our expectations from time to time. Learn to expect according to his ability.
Sense of humour:	A sense of humour is the best buffer among people. A sense of humour elicits laughs, reduces stress, and sometimes defuses a potentially hostile situation. Laughter is the best remedy.
The teeter-totter theory	We have all played on a teeter-totter. It is fun because as one end goes up, the other goes down. However, it's no fun if both sides want to be up at the same time. The same applies to getting along with your family. When one is furiously angry, you have to keep calm.
Emotion management:	Those who have happy families will tell you that whether an argument will break out depends on your ability to control your emotions. The world is full of incidences that irritate us. We often lose our temper easily over insignificant matters. We may behave irrationally or babble words we do not mean. As a result, we have to invest great efforts in reconstructing a broken relationship. Keep in mind that it is never a good time to talk to your children or partner when you are emotionally unstable. Calm yourself before you react.

This article is contributed by Dr Tsang Fan Kwong, Senior Medical Officer, Castle Peak Hospital.

家庭與精神健康

維繫和諧的家庭關係是保持精神健康 的關鍵。

近年倫常慘案經常成為報章頭條新聞，令家庭暴力問題越來越備受關注。在本文裡，青山醫院高級主任曾繁光醫生闡釋如何維繫和諧的家庭關係，保持良好的精神健康。

家是我們生活中最重要的部份，它使我們得到快樂、支援、休養生息、分享分擔、共同承擔……。然而，家庭成員非我們可以決定，每個人都有不同個性，待人、處事都有不同的方法和態度，給困在斗室共同生活，衝突與爭執在所難免。幸好一個健康的家庭都有著完善的解決衝突的能力，皆因成員之間能夠互相包容、尊重，讓不同信念、見解、無法互相說服的人也可以共處一屋愉快地生活。

快樂家庭每每有著共通的因素，如成員間多諒解和包容、有著良好的解難能力和良好的溝通，每個人的行為和空間都得到尊重，各人都懂得管理好自己的情緒及有著良好的精神健康等。而精神健康與家庭更有著相互的影響。家庭不和可引起個人的情緒困擾、焦慮、抑鬱。有時，焦慮症或抑鬱症的病因是來自家庭問題呢！而成員的個人困擾，除了是問題引起的直接行為情緒反應，更可能是這個家庭的求救訊號或者個人企圖拯救這個家的精神行為現象呢。換句話說，有著快樂的家庭，將會大大減少個人出現較輕微的精神、情緒、心理問題。也有研究顯示，擁有融合互相支援的家庭、伴侶關係，更是抑鬱症的保護因素之一。

至於精神問題對家庭帶來甚麼影響呢？影響可以是多方面的。精神緊張或情緒困擾已經可以增加口角或家庭暴力的風險，而較嚴重的精神問題，如精神分裂症、躁狂抑鬱症、嚴重抑鬱症等更可以為家人帶來一定的壓力，影響了其他家庭成員的情緒與心理。因此，精神治療除了要處理病人的問題，家人的情緒困擾也要顧及。而病人家屬互助組織更能發揮互相支援的作用。

如何創造快樂的家庭？以下幾個小貼士可能甚具實用價值。

態度：	無論他是個怎麼樣的人，他始終是我的家人。良好的關係建基於無盡的愛、關懷、寬恕與包容。而能否接受每每在於態度，態度改變，衝突和矛盾也不見。
期望：	不滿每每源於過高的期望。你要求孩子十項全能，可他除了拉小提琴外，學業成績只是一般，你一定會失望極了。因此，我們得時刻調整自己的期望，他是個怎麼樣的人便怎樣期望他。
幽默感：	幽默感是人與人間最好的緩衝劑。它可以令人感到有趣、舒暢，甚至可以消除敵意。還記得網上流行的笑話吧。「我的老婆沒有錯，錯的應該是我……。」
蹺蹺板理論：	大家也許玩過蹺蹺板，它好玩的地方是你高時對方便要低，對方高時你便要低；當大家爭持要同一時間向上，遊戲便不好玩了，跟家人相處的技巧也是一樣，對方盛怒，你便要保持冷靜……。
情緒管理：	擁有快樂家庭的人都會告訴你，爭吵會否發生往往在於你能否管得住自己的情緒。俗世事務令我們煩躁，若不留神便會發脾氣，一發脾氣便會做出一些連自己也不想它發生的事，結果關係和感情也破壞了，要花上很大力氣才能把它重建。記住，當你情緒激動時，便不是跟孩子/伴侶對話的好時候，這時候該設法令自己平靜下來。

以上資料由青山醫院高級主任曾繁光醫生提供。